What do you think of when you hear the word "binge"?

Maybe it hits home with you on so many levels: binge eating, shopping, television, social media, substance/alcohol etc. Or maybe it feels far away from your tendency to overly control your actions, but still remains a nagging thought from the distance. Whether it's quiet or loud, if your needs are not being met, it most likely still has impact.

The concept of bingeing is often misunderstood.

From the outside, it can look like a lack of self-control or discipline, but from the inside, it is a way to regulate feelings of chaos, overwhelm and shame. Simply put, it's self-regulation, not a lack of willpower.

At its core, whatever we are binge-consuming helps us regulate emotions and our nervous system.

People binge when they feel:

• emotionally overwhelmed

• unsafe

• chronically stressed

• numb or disconnected

• deprived

• lonely/unseen/unloved

• and the list goes on and on and on...

The BINGE behavior steps in to soothe and creates a temporary shift from the difficult feelings happening within. Even if the relief is brief, the brain stores it as a tool to cope.

Bingeing often happens when the nervous system is stuck in:

• FIGHT OR FLIGHT: (anxiety, urgency, restlessness)

• FREEZE/SHUTDOWN: (numbness, dissociation, exhaustion

And then once a binge happens... IN WALKS SHAME. And shame has a way of keeping the cycle going by increasing stress and self-loathing. The harder someone is on themselves, the stronger the urge to binge often becomes. Maybe let's read that last line one more time...

How do we break out of the cycle?

It's often opposite of what we think. It isn't just about trying harder or getting more firm with ourself. When we limit it to those ideas we are missing some key components for recovery. Bingeing has a purpose. It will fight to stay alive, and when we are exhausted, it will win. True recovery NEEDS to offer us what bingeing momentarily does. It needs to include compassion, rest, pleasure, expression, connection, comfort and a sense of safety.

To sum up...sustainable change comes from:

1: Increasing safety and self-regulation.

2: Replace rigidity with flexible realistic goals.

3: Meeting your needs proactively (instead of reactively)

4: Offering self-compassion instead of self-control.

Final thought:

Consider asking yourself: "what is the binge doing for me?" instead of "why can't I stop bingeing?"